The Young and The Brainless
by Pat Leland
Summary: Ms.Li Tries to solve a inrollment probelm with diastorous results 5/08/01 Reformatted


(Opening Credits followed by Daria In..... "The young and the brainless" By Pat Leland(Isuckatlax@Aol.com) Summuary: Because of decreased enrollment in "Laaaaawndale High" Ms.Li has Middle school students shadow High school students so they can learn to love the school (Cut to: ext. Lawndale High) (Cut to: Int. Ms.Li's office, the phone rings and she has an irritated look on her face, pause and then....) (Cut to: Split Screen Ms.Li and Shadow figure of School Board President) Li:Hello, This Angela Principal of Laaaawandale High President:(Deep Mysterious voice) Cut the crap, Angela Li: Oh, good morning President Van Milson what seems to be the probelm Van Milson:The probelm seems to be our enrollment, Angela it seems it has drooped a steady twenty percent since you became Principal Li: What that's impossible Van Milson: Not according to these numbers, between this and the cutting arts founding for those bullet proof gym windows, the board Li: I'll take care of it (cut to:Int. Lawndale High Auditorium, we see the normal crowd plus 200+ younger kids, among them we can recognize Rachel Landon, Brain Taylor, Tricia Gupty, Danny Moreano, and Sam and Chris Griffin, Ms.Li is addressing the crowd) Li:Hello students of (excited) Lawwwwwwwwwwndale High and (Quick and unenthusiastic) Lawndale Middle (Pan back to: Daria and Jane, you can still hear Ms.Li's voice in the background.) Li:(continuing) Have you decided where you will attend High School Daria: Because you have little time to talk your parents out of Lawndale High Li: Because you should really considered the hallowed and *secure* halls of Lawndale High, to see our wonderful school tomorrow you will be following around a big brother or sister, what I mean but that is Daria: You're adopted and your parents don't love you Li:(Continuing) That tomorrow you will be following around a High School student so would all Lawndale Middle students stay after for- Daria:Fingerprint and DNA analysis Li:(continuing)Fingerprint and DNA analysis (Cut to: Lawndale High Auditorium, same as before minus the middle school students) Li: Students as I mentioned earlier you will be leading middle schoolers around the school tomorrow ofcourse the state supreme court said that I can not force into any non-state required course, so if you choose not to you will make up the credit by taking Sexual Education course with Ms. Barch. Now would anyone not want to volunteer for this completely voluntuary activity Li: Well, good later tomorrow morning in Homeroom the list will be printed in the (Cut to: Ext. Morgendorfer House) (Cut to:Int. Morgendorfer kitchen, They are eating frozen................That's right Lasagna Quinn is busy boring Helen with the aspects of her day Quinn:(Mid) So then Lauren and Megan were wearing the exact same thing, so Sandi and I tried to help but they got all mad and to top that off Only three guys wanted to take me to Chez Pierre Friday night..... Helen:(Cutting off Quinn) Daria what did you do today Daria:Well, Ms.Li is making us baby-sit these little kids to show the school because she needs more students to hit up for donations for security equipment. Helen: Really, Daria do you have to be so negative about everything Quinn:Mom's right, Daria I was talking to Sandi and saying that this is a great way to Daria: Fashion Club the next generation: Beam me up Scotty, the outfits here tomorrow's Fashion Leaders are just horrible cafeteria.) (Cut:Int. Lawndale High Cafeteria Next morning, we focus in on the List The names we see are Sandi Griffin: Chris Griffin, Jodie Landon: Rachel Landon, Jane Lane: Danny Moreano Daria Morgendorfer: Tricia Gupty, Quinn Morgendorfer: Brian Taylor Stacey Rowe: Sam Griffin) (Cut to: Ms.Barch' s Sophomore Science class) Barch: Students, today we will be dissenting frogs which like men can be thrown away after their worthless lives hopping from Lilly pad to Lilly pad until they find a blond Bimbo frog for whom they will leave their loyal frog wives. (They are about to dissect the frogs) Brian: (Evil little smile, accompanied with a evil laugh) Here froggy, froggy, froggy, froggy. (Pan to: wider shot of the room to include The FCs, The three Js and the Griffin boys) Jamie: Hi Quinn, can I get your gloves for you Jeffy: Hi Quinn, can I get your scalpel Chris: Quinn, can I get your goggle Sam: No way, butt brain I'm getting Quinn's goggles Chris: No way Booger breath (They start to fight) Jamie:(doesn't want to be left out) Hey, Quinn can throw away your frog guts Quinn: Ewwwww (Bell rings) (Cut to: Ms. Defoe's Junior art class, Pan around the room the paintings represent what the students and their visitors are thinking, Jane's has a out of proportions drawing of Ms.Li stealing money out of out of a baby's crib. Daria has a baby in a carriage running down a hill towards a screaming and running mother(The mom looks like an older version of Daria) Kevin's has "I'm The Q" painted on and there is paint dripping down from a B. On to the floor from his brush. Brittany's has a picture of a gun and she is hunting around for her lipstick in her purse. Upchuck's has a naked woman , but his body is blocking her while he is painting. Rachel's has a picture of her parent's Andrew and Michelle worshipping a golden statue of Jodie. Jodie's is blank she is playing tennis. Tricia's is a "Sick, Sad World" eye being covered by her mother's hand. Danny's him chasing the Mystikk Sprial logo. (End Montage) (Ms.Defoe is walking around looking at the paintings) Defoe: Daria, what exactly is your painting supposed to represent? Daria:It represents how it is wrong for a dictator like administration to force their own jobs not to mention younger people on unwilling students to make them help increase enrollment so they can have more family's to bleed dry for useless security measures. (As Daria turns around she sees a very anger Ms.Li) Li: Well, Ms. Defoe I was just bringing Mr. Rutheimer here back after we had a little dicussion.Well I think Ms. Morgendorfer and I need to have a little talk of our own (Cut to:Ms.Li's office, Daria has the polygraph on her arm) Li: Ms. Morgendorfer, do you have a probelm with my Big brother or sister program? Daria: No, no probelm (Buzz) Daria:Well okay maybe a little probelm (Buzz) Daria: Ms.Li, this must some mistakes either that or my normal string of minor heart attacks is messing with your lie dectector Li: ahhhhhh, Ms. Morgendorfer in normal circumstances I would have you take Sexual Education with Ms. Barch, but you know how complicated that would be for the both of us. So I was wondering if you would like to make a deal Daria: Ok, where's Monty Hall? Li: Hmmmm, well unfortunately Lowdown sales are down quite a back do to lack of staff for us to work with. So unless you want to her about Ms.Barch's take on Male sexual organs (Daria shudders) Li: You will decide to write your own column in The Lawndale Lowdown Daria: Fine (Cut to: Mr. DiMartino's Junior History class) DiMartino: The times 1930s were Dark and EMPTY for the United STATE almost as EMPTY as the brains of some of our students. It all started with the Great Depression, can anyone tell me what started the Great Depression? Brittany? Brittany: Um, There where no Cheerleaders to cheer up people DiMartino: No, Brittany, It WAS NOT becuase there were no CHEERLEADERS, Can somebody tell me the CORRECT answer, Daria?(He realizes that Daria isn't there) UM, you, the little girl(He points at Tricia who has her hand up) Tricia: The stock market crash DiMartino: Gee BRIT-TA-NY ins't it ODD that a CHILD is smarter than YOU Brittany: Um, Yes DiMartino: CORRECT,Brittany (Cut to: Pizza King after school, yep that whole thing was a set-up) Daria: So, then Ms. Li said that the only way I could get out of the fate worst then death, is to except a fate slighty less worse than death Jane: Which is? Daria: My own column in the "Lowdown" Jane: Good, now you can destroy the system from within Daria: Sure, but I'd rather destroy the system without having to interact with the system Jane:So what are you going to write about anyway Daria: I don't know any Ideas (Cut to: The Fashion Club's table, they are eating cheeseless pizza because grease gives you breakouts they have also heard Daria and Jane's Whole Converstation) Sandi:Quinn, Did I just hear wrong or does that girl who lives with you have her own column in the Paper Quinn:Why, do you ask Sandi? Sandi: Because according to code 7-8 of the Fashion Club bylines the Fashion Club will not give up any chance to be in the media's eye or whatever Quinn:Yes, Sandi but does that apply to only *popular* magazines like "Waif" or "Val" Tiffiany: Yea, Newspaper ink is a huge fashion *don't* Sandi:Hush, hush we are not one to question the bylines of the Fashion Club Quinn: You are *sooo* right, Sandi but it would mean so much to me if you let me handle this so I will be prepaired if you get a huge modeling contract or something Sandi:(Can't refuse *That*) Well, if you most Quinn (Cut to: Daria and Jane's table, enter Quinn) Daria:(She heard it all) No!! Quinn: But, Daria Daria: Sorry it's in the Daria bylines Jane: Yea, and helping you is a definite Daria don't Quinn:(down to business) $10 Daria: $48,000 Quinn:$50 Daria:$300 Quinn:$150 Daria:$200 Quinn: Deal ( As Quinn shells out a wad of money to Daria, Tom enters) Tom: wow, Daria I didn't know you were a pimp (Daria, Jane and Tom smirk) Jane:(Gets up and Gives Tom a peck on the cheek) Hi (Cut to: The Fashion Club's table) Tiffany: So in conclusion or whatever clippies are better than scrunchies because the elastic can't wear out in clippies. Sandi:Thank you, Tiffiany Now Quinn will be reporting on the struggle to get her cousin or whatever to write about us Quinn:I have gotten Daria to write about us in her column thing, not goodly or whatever I need to take two hundrend dollars out of the Fashion Club treasury of uh, creative expenses. Sandi: What exactly do you mean by creative expenses,Quinn? Quinn: Um, like newspaper pencils or something (Cut to: Ext.Lawndale High) (Cut to:Int Lawndale High Lawndale Lowdown meeting present are Mr.O'Neil(Faculty Advisor, Daria, Jodie, Ted and Brittany and some unknown students) Jodie:(Sees Daria, does double take) Dar-ia is that you at an extra-cullicar activite Daria: Yep, you better look at for flying on the way home. Anyway, I didnt think you were on the newspaper staff Jodie:I was'nt until my dad got pissed off and joinded this to shut him up Daria:Now, Now pessism is my department Jodie:(Sighs)I know (Cut to: a round table with all the newspaper staff around it) O'Neil:That's Great, Ted but its also your fifth gum related article couldnt you save "Corrpution at bazzoka Joe's for a little while Ted:I guess so O'neil Thank you,Ted.Now I would like everyone to meet the newest member of the Lawndale Lowdown family, Daria Morgendorfer.What are you working on, Daria? Daria: I'm doing an article about the Lawndale High Fashion Club O'Neil It's great that your getting involved Daria Isn't your cousin the vice president Daria:Some would say that(Thought:Voice over) But most of them are shallow and superficial morons (Cut to:Ext.Morgendorfer House) (Cut to:Int.Daria's room, she is throwing a crumpled pile of paper which lands a pile that is surrounding her trash can) Daria:(Thought, Voice over) The fashion club (Cut to daydream sequence) (The heads of the FC are floating around) Quinn:This is our maid Sandi:Quinn's cousin or whatever Tiffany:Your that girl from Quinn's house (Cut to:Daria's Rooms she smirks and writes the Fashion Club always puts family first on her paper) (Cut to:Ext.Lane House) (Cut to:Int.Jane's room) TV:It's cold up there but not too cold for hatred Nazi eskimos on the next, "Sick, Sad World" (Jane mutes the Tv) Daria:I'm really stuck on this article thing Jane:Whats the probelm it seems like a perfect opurtunity to humiliate Quinn to me Daria:Yeah but once she reads it she could use it to get me in trouble with my mom Jane:That's Implying she can read Daria:Good point (Cut to: Ext>Morgendorfer House) (Cut to:Int. Morgendorfer House) (Thought V.O in Jane's Voice, It seems like a perfect way to humilate Quinn) (Daria Smirks) (Cut to:Daria going through a family photo album pulling out pictures of Quinn in her "Akward stage"(From The Daria Diaries) (Cut to: Ext.Lawndale High) (Cut to Int.Lawndale High Libary Daria is scanning the pictures) (Cut to:Ext. Morgendorfer House) (Cut to:Int.Morgendorfer House, Living room there is a fashion club meeting going on and Daria is listening Sandi:Quinn, is your cousin or whatever working on our article thing Quinn:Yea, I guess Sandi:Good, even a freak like her should be able to this without screwing it up Tiffiany:I know, that girl is sooo wierd she doesnt even acessorise (Cut to:Daria) Daria:(Frowns), no she won't screw this up (Cut to Griffin yard) Sam :Do you have what asked? Daria: That depends do you have the diary Chris: Right Here(holds up Sandi's diary) Daria :Okay, here(Holds up some action figures) Sam: That doesn't look like a nude photo of Quinn to me Daria: Eww, no. This is the Super mutant man action figures you wanted Sam: That's not what we wanted Chris: But there really cool Sam: You Moron!! (As they fight Daria runs away with the Diary) (Cut to :Ext. Morgendorfer house) (Cut to:Int. Daria's room) Daria:(Flipping through Sandi's Diary) Oh, This is too good, Ha ha(Mona Lisa smile) (Cut to: Ext. Lawndale High) (Cut to:Int. Lawndale High) Jodie:(Reading Daria's article) I don't know Daria your article might not sit well with some people Daria:Well Neither do hemroids and we're not bashing them now are we? Jodie: Seriously, some people might not like this article Daria:Well, they don't like Math class but that school still allows that Jodie: well I guess if you make it a little less negative we can print it, I guess (Cut to: Lawndale High Cafeteria 15 minutes later) Jodie: This article is good well I guess this the best I could hope for from you, Daria (Cut to Int.Lawndale High Hallways almost everyone has a copy of the Lowdown and is reading Daria's article) Tiffany:(Reading) I....Didn't...tell....her...but...Tiff..a..ny looked.. fat...in.....that....blue.....tank...top.Sandi you lied to me that is sooo wrong Li:(Intercom) Daria Morgendorfer please come to my office..now (Cut to:Int. Lawndale High, Ms.Li's office) Li: Ms. Morgendorfer, after hearing the objections of many students about your article in Lowdown I have decided that you will no longer by writing for our school paper Daria: Boo-Hoo Li:Dismissed(Picks up the phone) (Cut to: Split screen Linda Griffin and Ms.Li) Li: Are you still there Linda? Linda: Yes, Angela so do we have a deal? Li:Yes, that Morgendorfer girl is off the newspaper staff Linda:ok then, the check for those no listening devices in the mail (Cut to: Int.Lawndale High Hallway) Sandi:Of course Quinn's weird cousin was making that up Tiffany you could never look fat in anything Tiffany:Ok, that girl soo weird Sandi:As for you, Quinn becuase you were not able to keep that cousin of yours under control you will have to a one week, Fashion sabtical Quinn:But, Sandi Sandi:I'm sorrry Quinn, dear but it's for your own good, to be away will I revaluate your vice prrsdentail duties Quinn:Your soo smart, Sandi Sandi:Well, I'm sure the fashion club will have trouble getting along without you (Quinn looks hopeful) Sandi:But we will make do or whatever The End Authour's notes: *Phew* That was tough I orginally planed for this to be two full fanfics both twice the size of this one. One about the younger kids sub plot called, "The Young and Brainless" and one about the paper called "A Lawndale Lowdown and dirty shame. This fic is called the Young and The Brainless becuase A.I liked that title better and B.It can apply to both young to the first and Brainless can apply to the second part of the this fanfic.When I was writing the first part despite help from the memebers of the Daria Fanfiction message board(Thanks Guys) I came to a block.So I started to write "Lawndale Lowdown and Dirty Shame, and couldnt think of a beginig so I combined the two and you have what you just read.I really, really like the first part much better, it is alot funnier, this is the funniest I have written but is really short.Well short and sweet I always say (Well I never say that but what the hell ).I did the last part with the Fashion club becuase it never seemed over until I added that..Thanks for reading. Daria is copyright 1999 Mtv a divison of Viacom. Inc This Fanfic is copyright 1999 Patrick Leland 


End file.
